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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939543">as oxygen burns</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherFleur/pseuds/CherFleur'>CherFleur</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sea Shanties [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>One Piece</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Does this count as crack? Or is it Crack Treated Seriously? Who knows, Gen, I spoke words with Fisch and this is what happens, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Kinda, Mentioned assault on a minor, Multi, Older works I'm finally starting to upload, Self-Insert, as a treat, oc-insert, some world building</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 06:09:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,087</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25939543</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherFleur/pseuds/CherFleur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The taste of salt and ash in her mouth. The feeling of starvation in her limbs and loosening her teeth.</p>
<p>This life of hers was different than the last one, more difficult. Living in a fantasy world wasn't like living in a dream, it was just a slightly different reality, which had more ways to screw you over.</p>
<p>Still, she'd try. She was well past giving up, after all.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fushichou Marco | Phoenix Marco &amp; Original Character(s), Fushichou Marco | Phoenix Marco/Portgas D. Ace/Original Character(s), OC &amp; Portgas D. Ace, Portgas D. Ace/Original Character(s), Spade Pirates &amp; Portgas D. Ace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Sea Shanties [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1882600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>140</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Reincarnation and Transmigration</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was speaking to laternenfisch on tumblr (very good art, I love everything) about One Piece, and this reminded me of the folder of works I have that I've been slowly puttering around in. So.</p>
<p>Here's one of them. I started this... a long time ago? It's one of those fic I pop into every once in a while and shove words at before leaving again. My writing style has changed some, so if you notice some disturbingly long sentences well, that's probably why. I did minor edits, but that's it.</p>
<p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Blinking at the spectacle before her, she pushed her glasses up and frowned as she ran her gaze over the beaten-up men who stood with sheepish grins in front of her.</p>
<p>They were supporting each other and one of them was even being carried on a stretcher, unconscious. While it wasn’t altogether uncommon for people with injuries to be knocking down her door, those that were so clearly pirates – and had <em>literally </em>knocked down the door – had never just waltzed up to her room at an inn before. Not that she had never dealt with pirates before, she most <em>certainly</em> had, and likely would even after whatever it was they wanted was done with. Usually, however, those times were happenstance, time and place and all that, but for them to come to <em>her</em>, well…</p>
<p>That meant that she had overstayed her welcome. If knowledge of her presence and profession were common enough now to reach pirates…</p>
<p>So, that meant one thing.</p>
<p>“The person who told you where I am,” she snapped out with a severe frown as she stared them down, causing those able to, to snap to something like attention, and the others to pale with nerves. “Did you harm them in any way other than verbal intimidation?”</p>
<p>They were silent.</p>
<p>“<em>Well</em>?”</p>
<p>“N-No, ma’am!” one of them stuttered out, as the others shook their heads almost ridiculously in denial. “H-He did t-<em>trip</em> though…?”</p>
<p>Scrutinizing them with that frown still pulling the corners of her lips down, she nodded firmly. Concluding that they were being honest despite the tremble of nerves to the one that had spoken, she stepped to the side of her doorway and gestured them in. They didn’t appear to be lying and had been appropriately intimidated by her aplomb with the situation, properly scolded and afraid of her biting tone.</p>
<p>Doctorine had taught her well, after all.</p>
<p>It was the ones who were nonchalant that needed to be watched out for, needed to be avoided. Because that meant that they were confident enough in themselves and their combat abilities that they were sure they could take her on. Out here on the Line, it was better to be safe than sorry.</p>
<p>“Set the worst one down on the bed, then,” she directed, ignoring the group sigh of relief as she stopped glaring at them and her features went placid. “And be gentle about it, I won’t treat any wounds that you give him on top of what he already has.”</p>
<p>They filed in, tall lumbering group that they were, all a strange collaboration of styled and physiques as was the way with pirates. As she instructed, they transferred their friend from the stretcher onto her neatly made bed, carefully arranging his limbs, and sending her worried glances.</p>
<p>Sighing out a breath, she studied them each in turn as she set about getting her bag of tools and supplies ready. Throwing her stethoscope around her neck as she did so, before washing her hands and slipping on some rubber gloves so as not to transfer germs onto any open injuries.</p>
<p>“I’ll deal with this one first,” she stated easily, not asking how they’d gotten themselves into such a state, already knowing that it likely wasn’t something she wanted to hear about. “And then the rest of you, worst to best conditions, understand?”</p>
<p>Nods all around.</p>
<p>“I need verbal confirmation,” was her droll reply. “Do you <em>understand </em>me, men?”</p>
<p>“Y-Yes, sensei!”</p>
<p>“You’re also taking care of that door. I won’t have the inn charging me for it.”</p>
<p>“H-Hai…”</p>
<p>Just another day of medicine on the Grand Line.</p>
<p>~*~</p>
<p>It wasn’t long until she ran into <em>another </em>crew of pirates, and this time, they had to be made to ask her nicely for her aid.</p>
<p>This was all well and good, just par for the course, until she had looked down at her patient where they lay on the ship that the cowed pirates had led her to. Registered just <em>who </em>it was that she was looking at and realized that this wasn’t going to be as simple as she’d thought it would be.</p>
<p>The beginning of her world being turned upside down slept rather peacefully, despite what one would have thought.</p>
<p>He really <em>did </em>have cute freckles.</p>
<p>~*~</p>
<p>She was going to need another pitcher of water soon.</p>
<p>Sitting in an uncomfortable chair, she was humming softly to herself one of her sister’s favorite songs and reading a medical journal. Relaxed by the soft, slow rocking of the ship she was on as her patient awoke, the heart monitor speeding up a pace as consciousness flowed back in.</p>
<p>Very calmly, as she waited for him to return to full wakefulness, she set a piece of paper as a marker on her page and closed the book she was reading before setting it aside to be prepared in case of a violent awakening. Not that she thought that her patient would come up swinging, but, on occasion, there had been times of confusion to go with whatever had ailed them when she treated them. Just waking in an unknown environment could set off someone’s baser instincts of fight or flight.</p>
<p>Generally, men of the sea chose fight over flight and she’d learned early on how to avoid her own injuries even if she wasn’t one for a great deal of violence.</p>
<p>“… Who are you?” the young man asked hoarsely, and she shifted to standing to appraise him quickly, running her gaze over him with a practiced eye. “And what are you doing on my ship?”</p>
<p>“One moment,” she murmured, pouring him a glass of water, and then perching on the side of the bed to ease him to a sitting position, bracing him with a hand on his back between his unmarked shoulder blades. “Here, drink this. It should help to ease your throat a bit. It’ll likely be sore for a couple of days though, so don’t try and eat anything too hard, like baked chips or other crunchy things, because it’ll just irritate you when you swallow.”</p>
<p>The young man leaned the elbow he had closest to her and covered her hand with his larger, callused – so warm, unnaturally so, which was par for the course with who he was, she assumed – one. As he slowly, carefully drank down half of the water in one go before grimacing in discomfort, so she pulled the glass away.</p>
<p>After easing him back to laying down, she turned away just enough to set the glass back on the stand it had been on before. Carefully listening to the beeping of the heart monitor as she turned her gaze away from her patient to make sure that nothing happened while she wasn’t watching. When she turned back around to run her eyes over him again in an automatic action, it was simply to make sure he hadn’t done something foolish in the moments she hadn’t been looking.</p>
<p>Some people were just <em>like </em>that.</p>
<p>“So, you’re a doctor, then,” he stated as his dark eyes studied her, voice less hoarse than it had been before. “And do you mind answering my questions now?”</p>
<p>“Not at all,” she pushed her glasses back up her nose from where they’d slipped and sighed, considering the famous man laid out on the infirmary bed before her. “My name is Tennyson Anila. And yes, I’m a doctor.”</p>
<p>“Nice to meet you, Tennyson-sensei,” the man said politely. “I’m Portgas D. Ace.”</p>
<p><em>My life is so complicated, </em>she thought with a mental grimace and moment of fluttering fangirlishness as she stared at the once fictional character.</p>
<p>One that she’d gotten teary over.</p>
<p>Okay, she’d sobbed like a child abandoned in the street when she’d read and then watched the scene where he sacrificed himself for Luffy, believing himself to not deserve to live and all that.</p>
<p><em>I can’t believe I ran into someone else from the story, especially so soon after leaving Drum Island, where I thought that was going to be the only place I’d have to worry about it. Ah, man, when Chopper learns that I met a famous pirate, he’s going to </em>flip.</p>
<p><em>Hmm, should I actually tell him though? Wouldn’t that mess with the story or something? I mean, they meet up when that princess needs whatever with that Shichibukai… ah, well, I’ll decide later. Either way, I’ll have to let Dalla know, because she will freak the fuck</em> <em>out so much. She’s basically been bombarded by main characters her whole life and I’ve somehow managed to avoid that until now.</em></p>
<p>For a long moment she contemplates that.</p>
<p>
  <em>Actually, better not. She’ll never let me live it down.</em>
</p>
<p>Anila did not relish all of the gloating that her best friend was going to do about the fact that it was now <em>her </em>turn to fear for the timeline. There was no living with that level of smug, oh sweet mother of god...</p>
<p>“Yes, well.”</p>
<p>Before she could help it, she found herself glancing away from the crooked grin on handsome features, adjusting her glasses once again, ignoring the feeling of almost heat in her cheeks. <em>This </em>was why she'd been relieved not to run into any potential characters; because they all had ridiculous faces and there was nothing she could do about it.</p>
<p>Her brain was the <em>worst </em>and why was everyone so <em>pretty?!</em></p>
<p>“It’s nice to meet you as well, Portgas-san. Though, the circumstances could be better.”</p>
<p>“Aa,” lids began to drift closed as the man blinked up at her. “Can I ask how you ended up treating me?”</p>
<p>“Your crew tried to kidnap me.”</p>
<p>“Oh,” he mumbled, before he jerked slightly, and his eyes opened as her words registered and he looked at her curiously. “Tried?”</p>
<p>“Mm,” she smiled in amusement before she could help herself. “Tried. When that didn’t work out, I questioned what they wanted from me, and when they asked nicely… Well, I then agreed to look you over and treat you if I could. It also gave me a ship to get to the next island on, as well,” she spread her hands palm out from waist height to encompass him blandly. “And so here we are.”</p>
<p>Those dark eyes stared at her for a moment longer, before he huffed, closing them and releasing a tension that she hadn’t noticed in his still weakened form. Out of habit, she smoothed down the blankets and sheets over his ridiculously warm form again and checked the IV with the saline drip she had attached to his left arm for hydration. An arm where there was a bit of a tan line at his elbow from his habitual elbow guard pad and what she had a suspicion was a compression sleeve.</p>
<p>Vaguely, she was aware of his eyes opening a slit to watch her, even as she idly cataloged the firmness of his musculature beneath the blankets. Pressing fingertips to his wrist to count his heartbeats just in case the heart monitor had glitched – she didn’t trust unfamiliar equipment – as he took slow, even, if shallow breaths in.</p>
<p>When she was satisfied with his respiratory speed, she automatically pressed her hand to his forehead, checking for a fever that she knew wouldn’t be there in the back of her mind. It was an action she generally used for the wearier of her patients, before she brushed his thick black bangs back from his face, comfortably seated on the side of the bed.</p>
<p>Anila was well aware that most men didn’t know how to deal with kindness, but she certainly hadn’t become a doctor this time because of <em>money. </em>She’d wanted to become a pediatrician, before, but here it wasn’t practical as well as it being an uncommon practice.</p>
<p>“Sleep now, Portgas-san,” she spoke quietly, eyes warm behind her glasses as they always were for patients. “We’ll speak more when you’re better.”</p>
<p>The man simply grunted lowly and fell into unconsciousness.</p>
<p>~*~</p>
<p>There were worse patients and people to be stuck with, but she would prefer if this whole aside was over soon.</p>
<p>Canon characters made her anxiety the <em>worst.</em></p>
<p>“Alright, now take in a deep breath for me and hold it,” even though she didn’t need to, she stared at his chest as it expanded with his lungs, gaze intent but not quite seeing, stethoscope pressed to his rib cage beneath his shoulder blade. “Now release it… good, good…” she shifted the tool to another position, imagining airways and blood flow as she did so. “Again please, ah, hmm… release it, now breathe in one more time…”</p>
<p>Humming in satisfaction, she pulled away from the muscular form of the young man before her, pleased with the lack of fluid in his lungs and any sort of arrhythmia or breathing problems. The bug he’d had usually caused lingering problems, but it seemed that the Fire Fruit had burned out most of it.</p>
<p>Hands free, she pressed here and there, checking for swelling in lymph nodes and glands, asking him if there was any pain or discomfort. Getting the appropriate and pleasing response that no, he didn’t feel a pinching pain there, and no, his throat didn’t feel swollen or sore anymore.</p>
<p>With the back of her wrist she pushed her glasses up from where they’d slipped on her nose, glancing over him critically before she nodded. Standing and stepping away from the seated pirate captain whilst removing her rubber gloves for disposal and throwing them away in the waste bin.</p>
<p>Clenching her jaw against releasing a yawn, she straitened her back more, getting soft pops and cracks from her vertebrae in return. Her body complaining about her bad posture from the past few days of watching over and caring for a man who had once been fictional in her eyes.</p>
<p>Well, other than how completely, and ridiculously in shape he was, there was nothing unreal seeming about him, not in her <em>medical</em> opinion, as someone trained in this world though not perhaps outside of it. Not that dealt with his illness, anyway, and she didn’t have access or permission for more complicated testing apparatus to be procured and administered.</p>
<p>She’d gotten used to the oddities of this world, but it still messed with her head on occasion the complete lack of most physical limitations that existed here. And she wasn’t even going to get started on Devil Fruits and what they did to a person’s genetic code because <em>altha<strong>otih</strong>ow<strong>ien</strong>f</em>.</p>
<p>Fuck. That.</p>
<p>Goddamned bullshit science and stupid magic fruit.</p>
<p>“Well,” she spoke as she turned around, rolling her shoulders to eke out a few more pops. “There’s no discernible inflammation or lingering infection, so it looks like you’ll be just fine. Remember to drink lots of fluids that <em>aren’t </em>alcohol or caffeinated for the next few days to get your system up to par again, but after that you should be fine. I’d work back up to your regular diet as well, avoiding rich foods for now since you haven’t been eating solids, but that’s just my opinion, not a necessity.”</p>
<p>Also, she had little hope of restraining the appetite of a D, especially when they didn’t know each other.</p>
<p>“Great,” his easy voice said back to her as he stood, stretching his arms up to remove kinks from his body in such a way that she found herself flushing and looking away from. <em>Oh fuck he’s </em>ripped <em>oh god don’t look don’t look</em>. <em>Jeez, he’s taller than me, wow the radius he can radiate heat is… this, well… this might be a problem. </em>“Thanks for all of your help, Tennyson-sensei.”</p>
<p>“Ah, well, you’re welcome.”</p>
<p><em>I need to get </em>off<em> this ship.</em></p>
<p>~*~</p>
<p>“… What are you doing?”</p>
<p>A number of pirates had just busted through the infirmary door and were now all bowing with foreheads pressed to the floor and tripping over each other to apologize to her for something. Really, the longer it went on, the higher she felt her brows raise as well as her confusion.</p>
<p>Sighing from where she was organizing and labeling medical supplies, what little they had on their ship, she rubbed her forehead before she pushed her glasses up a bit on the bridge of her nose with the tip of her middle finger. She was definitely going to leave them a list of what they needed to get when she left, these were necessities!</p>
<p>Anila was honestly wondering just what it was that she’d done to be put into these kinds of situations. With a practiced eye, she ran her gaze over them, cataloging the everyday ship faring bruises, bumps and scrapes and putting them out of her mind, narrowing her attention down to find the injuries that were more serious, but finding none. Oh, sprained fingers… hmm, she’d drag him down here later to tape those, but that was about the worst of it, really.</p>
<p>Miraculously.</p>
<p>Pirates weren’t very health conscious, which was irritating.</p>
<p>“Please forgive us, Sensei!” they cried out, cow toeing to her.</p>
<p>“It’s alright,” she stated after a moment of contemplation, mostly just wanting them to leave her infirmary. “You’re forgiven. But don’t make it a habit, alright?”</p>
<p>The relief that fluttered in the air was palpable, and she found her brows furrowing in confused bemusement as they all stumbled to standing. Bowing and assuring her that they wouldn’t, no, never again, do whatever it was that they had been apologizing to her for. It took them only a moment to slip out of the room again, and she found herself staring after them, the entire incident taking less than a full minute to run its course.</p>
<p>Then she sighed heavily, glancing at the amused looking young man who had so recently been her patient standing in the doorway.</p>
<p>“What is it that I’m forgiving, exactly?”</p>
<p>Fire Fist Ace grinned at her, features charming with the freckles dotted across his nose and cheeks.</p>
<p>
  <em>Damnit, hormones.</em>
</p>
<p>“When I asked where you’d been sleeping, they realized that they hadn’t given you a room,” he said easily, arms folded across his chest from where he leaned against the doorway. “They took it upon themselves to come down here and apologize to you for their rudeness.”</p>
<p>“Took it upon themselves, huh?” fingertips pushed her glasses up her nose again. She needed new nose pads. “I’m sure.”</p>
<p>The laughter that exploded from him at her casual use of sarcasm made her lips twitch upward at the corners before she managed to control her expression again, and then she simply watched him settle himself. Those dark eyes glanced over her quickly before the man who would one day be the Second Fleet Commander under Whitebeard seemed to come to a decision of some sort.</p>
<p>“Come on, Tennyson-sensei,” he said with an encouraging gesture of his hands towards the stairs behind him. “Why don’t you join us for lunch? You can tell me what I shouldn’t eat yet and then look on in disapproval as I still eat it.”</p>
<p>Glancing over the still not completely organized infirmary, she wondered what harm it could do. Almost deliberately ignoring the tiny voice inside that was worrying frantically about <em>all</em> of the harm that such a simple action could do, no matter how insignificant. She <em>was </em>hungry, anyway.</p>
<p>And if <em>Dalla </em>had somehow managed not to throw the whole world into chaos, what could <em>Anila </em>do, really? That woman was a force unto nature herself, and Anila was just a simple doctor with a few tricks, no reality bending abilities at all.</p>
<p>Par for the course in One Piece, anyway.</p>
<p>“Pirates,” she huffed in disapproval even as she started towards the door. “Never listen to reason.”</p>
<p>“Well,” the pirate captain said with a grin as he preceded her upstairs to the deck. “That would kind of contradict the fact that we are in fact <em>pirates</em>, sensei.”</p>
<p>“Of course it would,” she muttered, very carefully <em>not </em>staring as the play of muscles across his back, since he’d apparently decided to forgo his shirt that day. And <em>every other </em>day<em>.</em> “What<em>ever </em>was I thinking?”</p>
<p>When they made it up to the mess deck, it was to the boisterous noise and chaos that she’d come to expect from the happier, better pirates on the Grand Line, shouting and laughter, poking fun at crew mates. There were a few pointed shouts that she could hear without really focusing on it that had to do with making fun of each other because of how they’d reacted to her whilst they were apologizing for being remiss in giving her a room to stay in.</p>
<p>The response had something to do with some of the crew members not having been present when they had been trying to kidnap her to take care of their captain. How her stern countenance had nothing on how intimidating she had been when they had first tried to jump her to bring her back. She couldn’t help the chuckle she released under her breath at the reminder of how she’d had to discipline the poor desperate pirates that had been afraid for their leader. And as she shook her head whilst rolling her eyes she missed the look of thoughtful interest that said captain shot her over his shoulder.</p>
<p>Despite the good humor she got from their – rightful – intimidation of her, she found her brows furrowing in displeasure at the setup in front of her, laid out haphazardly across the table.</p>
<p>“Which one of you is the cook on this tub?” she questioned sharply, and as Ace turned around to look at her in curious surprise, the crews’ eyes widened and those that had jumped her paled. “Well?”</p>
<p>A tall, skinny, black skinned man gulped audibly before raising his hand, features pinched with nerves.</p>
<p>“Show me to the kitchen,” she demanded unthinkingly, completely ignoring the stare she was receiving from Fire Fist Ace. “I’m going to teach you some recipes that won’t end with your crew getting heart failure.”</p>
<p>Later, she would be rather amused by the fact that there almost looked to be tears in the man’s eyes, as he trembled and showed her to the kitchen. As if he were leading her to the gallows so that she could inspect them and then hang him from them, but at the time she was mostly exasperated with the eating habits of men and pirates in general. Pretty much everything on that table had been fried, and there was no way that she was going to put herself through that kind of abuse.</p>
<p>Honestly, hadn’t they ever heard of cholesterol? Clogged arteries? Heart attacks? <em>Hello-oo</em>?</p>
<p>Gah, her work was never done…</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Have you ever thought of being a pirate?”</p>
<p>Jumping in surprise at the voice coming from behind her, Anila struggled to keep her hold on the medical files in her hands. She’d been putting them up in a cabinet only to have hands much broader and a little paler than her own grasp the slipping papers.</p>
<p>She’d decided that the crew needed to update their physicals, and since she was there anyway she might as well do it. Also, the system of not actually sticky-notes that had been stuck to everything – with a <em>mystery substance </em>– had horrified her. It could not be born, so she’d cleaned everything up with all the OCD vigor left in her body and got down to business or terrorizing the crew into checkups.</p>
<p>It had been both satisfying and enraging.</p>
<p>Casting a rather uncharacteristic wide-eyed look over her shoulder, Anila's glasses slid down her nose. Breath caught a bit in her throat at how close his face was as he looked down at her curiously.</p>
<p>All things considered it wasn't an unusual question. A lot of people talked about being pirates, wistfully and with grandeur.</p>
<p>And yet.</p>
<p>Anila turned away just as quickly as she’d looked to hide the sudden tinge of heat to her features at being so close. To hide the uncertainty that no doubt colored her features in a different way, tilted her mouth in a grimace of want.</p>
<p>His freckles were much more charming from so near, she noted, even as she continued about her task with the man releasing his hold on what she had almost dropped. Busying herself with the papers, she took a moment to settle her thoughts. It was different with a patient, it always was. The compartmentalization she’d trained into herself made it so.</p>
<p>Focused on his words rather than the way that she could feel the ridiculous amount of heat radiating from his Fruit fueled body. On the fact that he had probably just not so subtly invited her to join his crew as the doctor. Which, for a pirate, was actually pretty subtle, all things considered.</p>
<p>Anila contemplated her words perhaps a bit more carefully than she would have otherwise.</p>
<p>He'd been good company, in an anxiety inducing way, but Anila wasn’t Dalla. She couldn't ignore canon. Wasn’t strong enough to make a place for herself when she didn’t know what it would change, what she could make <em>worse</em> simply be existing.</p>
<p>“Thought about it?”</p>
<p>She sidestepped away from his taller frame and towards the bolted down desk she still had paperwork scattered over it.</p>
<p>“Yes. Wanted to be one? No.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t a matter of <em>want.</em></p>
<p>“Hmm,” those dark eyes, which were actually a deep brown, followed her as she stooped to pick up some things that had rolled off the desk from the rocking of the boat. They needed cubbies and desk organizers that they could lock shut. “Not even a little?”</p>
<p>“Not even a little.”</p>
<p>He was polite enough to not bring up her slight hesitation as she stared down as the pens she had gathered off of the floor. Even as he squatted down to help her pick up the things that had escaped their grasp with that inhuman heat wafting over her covered skin. He let her have her peace even as he gave her unseen goosebumps even as she forced her hands to unclench from where they gripped the writing utensils.</p>
<p>Anila wasn’t exactly lying, though the implications of the wording they’d used could be misconstrued from the meaning she’d had behind them. But they really weren’t anywhere near to answering the question in the way that he’d likely preferred. Clearly and concisely.</p>
<p>Because, had she thought about being a pirate before? Yes, yes, she had. Had she ever wanted to be one? No, not especially.</p>
<p>It was more than <em>want </em>because that word could hold so many meanings, especially for someone who had managed to survive hell and then the decimation of Drum Island as a budding physician.</p>
<p>As a child in body if not mind, frail and alone for so long.</p>
<p>The freedom that came from not having to answer to the summons of the World Government, of not having to follow anyone’s rules but her own code of morals… that was something that she more than <em>wanted</em>. It was a desire, and desperate <em>need </em>that she didn’t think that she would ever be able to fill, because she had had so little control over her life and her decisions no matter the incarnation that she lived as.</p>
<p>No matter what her world was.</p>
<p>In the Before, she hadn’t had a choice to go to medical school, it had been what was expected of her and she’d never wanted to disappoint her family. That wasn’t to say that she had hated the idea of being a doctor then, but she’d wanted to perhaps take other classes, to not always be consumed by schooling so that she could have <em>hobbies.</em></p>
<p>Now, it was simply easier to be what she’d been trained to be a lifetime before, to build on that with those who had been willing to take her in and teach her. Anila could read a book that had nothing to do with her trade now, though. She could watch a play or take days off if she wanted and there was no schedule and life plan to follow.</p>
<p>It was more than she’d had, but less than she’d wanted.</p>
<p>She was chasing freedom and the sea, the salty wind dotted with mist in the morning, she was grasping at the assault of the sun’s rays blindingly bright off the white caps. Clawing for breath with each life she helped to better as she sought that elusive <em>more </em>that she so wished for.</p>
<p>Every ship she booked passage on, every offer from the Marines or towns she’d passed through to work for them she refused. To be locked on land or to bandage up people with goals that she had no belief in was what she was dodging in not being caged into place by those that wanted her for what she could do for them. Anila was keeping herself distant and cold so as not to blunt that sense of self that she’d clawed for tooth and nail under Doctorine’s hellish tutelage.</p>
<p>Anila was more than her skills, and she’d promised never to take herself for granted again. Dalla had made her <em>swear </em>to not let go of what made Anila into the Nilla that her best friend – her <em>sister </em>– so cherished.</p>
<p>So, yes, she’d thought about being a pirate. Had she ever wanted to be one? No. She <em>ached </em>to be one, to have what others did, but as a woman who knew what the world was going to turn into, what ugliness lay on both sides of the sea. Who lacked faith in both the Government and the Jolly Roger, she was caught in her own Calm Belt, surrounded by monsters that she had no hope of being able to survive.</p>
<p>It wasn’t a lie.</p>
<p>
  <em>“Not even a little.”</em>
</p>
<p>The magnitude of her desire couldn’t be measured with such pitiable quantifiers.</p>
<p>~*~</p>
<p>There had been a few times where she’d been sad about leaving a crew. Unsurprisingly, this was one of them.</p>
<p>“So, this is goodbye, boys,” she said, feeling inordinately heavy hearted as she looked over at the disheartened crew who was seeing her off at the docks. “It’s been a pleasure.”</p>
<p>It was ridiculously endearing that men who had been – rightly – terrified of her at the beginning of the voyage and were still – understandably – intimidated by her were looking at her like sad puppies. Puppies that she was about to abandon on the side of the road in a cardboard box while it was raining with a sign that read FREE on the side.</p>
<p>These were big, buff, dangerous pirates, and some of them were sniffling and wiping at their eyes in a hope not to look too heartbroken with her departure. Whilst their captain was watching her with those deep, dark brown eyes that looked black, and especially so from under the brim of his signature hat.</p>
<p>Still, she knew that they would do well without her. As far as she knew, she’d never existed previously in the storyline, and they hadn’t actually needed her for Ace’s sickness, it would have been burned out by his Devil Fruit. Anila was quite certain that she’d never be strong enough to stand amongst the titans they would eventually walk amongst with an ease she’d probably never understand.</p>
<p>Sure, she was strong enough to make her way through the Grand Line relatively easily, though she knew that it was unlikely that she’d be able to traverse the New World with the same kind of aplomb. The ease with which she regarded the place that she had made into her home after ending up on Drum Island would doubtless not exist there. It wasn’t that Anila was opposed to hard work – she’d worked hard good chunks of both of her lives – but she didn’t have any need to.</p>
<p>It was nice, not having to watch her back like that, to be afraid of the unknown, because she had lived like that and didn’t want to again.</p>
<p>It was pretty much guaranteed that by the time she had gathered medical knowledge from all the islands on the Grand Line, that she’d be forced to settle down on one of them. Well, that or find a way back to Drum, after the necessary amount of time for Chopper to head off came about, anyway. Wouldn’t want to screw with the storyline too badly, at least not to the detriment of her blue nosed little deer.</p>
<p>For Anila… it was better to keep running with the wind at her back, sending her on a path that couldn’t be traced so that the chains that bound her to her travels, to her past, didn’t tighten too much. Not so much that she couldn’t breathe for the stranglehold they had on her soul, crushing that which she’d struggled to free for so long. Her scars ached with the thought of feeling the heavy weight of confinement again and she found her hands gripping opposing wrists to try and smother the throbbing.</p>
<p>Yes, Anila wasn’t meant to stand through the atrocities of the world of One Piece. She couldn’t stand with legends and gods, couldn’t fight against the world. Couldn’t risk what she’d struggled for just to lose it against some unknown monster of the Line or Government.</p>
<p>She wasn’t as strong as Dalla, and she most certainly wasn’t as brave.</p>
<p>All she was, was Anila.</p>
<p>It had to be enough.</p>
<p>“B-Bye, sensei,” the cook she’d drilled healthy recipes into stuttered out with comical tears trailing down his dark face. “Thank you for everything!”</p>
<p>She couldn’t help but quirk a somewhat fond smile with the corner of her mouth as she adjusted her glasses. The ridiculous anime glint of the sunlight off the lenses hid the shine to her eyes on her very nearly wobbly features.</p>
<p>“No, thank <em>you </em>Grippa,” she returned. “For such good meals and being willing to learn a few healthy ones to humor me,” she turned her gaze to the silent and almost disturbingly still Fire Fist. “Thank you for your hospitality, Portgas-san.”</p>
<p>The man didn’t acknowledge her words for a long moment, before he nodded at her, causing something sharp to squirm in her gut. Because Anila had gotten to like this crew and their captain perhaps a bit more than she had any other ship she’d traveled on, mostly because they hadn’t treated her any differently than they did each other. Well, other than their obvious trepidation with angering her.</p>
<p>Against her better judgment, she’d gotten attached, but since when did the head rule the heart?</p>
<p>If it did, then the world would be a much different place.</p>
<p>There had never been a moment where she’d felt like she was intruding, if anything, they had been quite enthusiastic in pulling her into conversations and poker games. That she’d inevitably won, because they had nothing like a poker face between them, especially when they had a good hand. There had been a number of times where she’d be sitting in the infirmary and Ace and a few of the crew would come down and ask her what she was working on.</p>
<p>It was clear that they didn’t understand most of what she’d been talking about when she’d been convinced to stiltedly share her studies with them, but they had been interested enough to ask. Even going so far as to ask for some clarifications, as well as listen intently when she explained certain first aid necessities for different island types in the Grand Line.</p>
<p>It had been fun, and had eased some of the tension that seemed to own a couple acres in her shoulders and neck.</p>
<p>She’d laughed along with the rest of the crew hysterically when a wide-eyed Fire Fist had been knocked into the sea by a bucket that had been kicked on accident. He’d then been fished out by Sticker, a man who was as thick as he was tall with the voice of an angel though his features harkened more to a craggy cliff face. Pulling splinters, setting bones, bandaging cuts… it had all been easy, with them.</p>
<p>Bowing to the men that she had befriended, she turned and left, feeling the tension return to her spine as their calls of farewell followed her into the town.</p>
<p>Maybe friends? She was still a bit uncertain as to her standing with them, and her own feelings. Anila would probably call them that, but people were alien to her in a lot of ways, especially the ones who lived so freely in the everchanging Grand Line.</p>
<p>But… she’d like to think so.</p>
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